The High Holidays are over and many have settled in
their normal, typical, and sometimes mundane routine. There is a chance to look back.
Last year on Simchat Torah we were bored at
our Modern Orthodox Synagogue in Charleston SC.
The wealthy members were bidding on auctioned Aliya chances and it went
on seemingly forever. Israelis were
mingling in the hall, clustered in groups speaking Hebrew. Our daughter was asleep in a stroller. We did our best to be social, but we did not
belong. Then there was dancing with the
Torah amidst the buffet and Simcha that
seemed a bit fake.
This year we were dancing with the Tora with many
young families. Our daughter had a
blast. She is 20 months but she excelled
at waving the flag and jumping with glee.
She was happy to see a sea of children of all ages. Everyone at Chabad of Northern Virginia was
welcoming, and the events were centered on children.
We left in time for our toddler’s bedtime but nobody
looked at us strange for not participating in an auction or adult services. We left the Shul uplifted and ready for a
better year.
What a difference from our previous experiences at
temples and on social media. We are
doing our best to find people who think alike.
As somebody learning a new city and transitioning to orthodoxy, I do all I can to establish connections in the
Jewish community.
My results are slow and mixed. I joined Shabbat.com in the hopes to learn
and to get good advice. What I received is
criticism and a number of elitist remarks that take me back to the 1990s.
Lesson 1. In
USSR we were Jews but in US we are Russians.
No matter what we do, we have an accent and don’t
have the old money to belong.
Lesson 2. If
you mention you are a Jew by Nationality they will look at you like you are
insane or call you a Racist. Apparently
Hitler was killing a Religion and not people that looked like me.
Lesson 3. You
will never be Jewish enough for the Frum and you will never fit in with the
Goim, because you get together with your family on Jewish, Russian, and
American holidays.
Lesson 4. Don’t
bother dating Russian Jews if you didn’t earn a full scholarship to College by
the best test scores.
Lesson 5. Don’t
talk about Soviet Union in a positive light, The Americans will think you are a
spy and the Russians will think you haven’t suffered enough Antisemitism.
I mentioned in a previous post that those of us who
live in a real world can not be fully observant and present for all the Jewish
Holidays. The orthodox comments compared
the “real world” to the extravagance and shallowness of Hollywood, to the virtual
affairs with online scammers, and to the material obsessions of some.
In response, I would like to give a few examples of
what is “real world” to me.
1. A music teacher was forced to retire from
Public School because she refused to hold a school concert on Saturday.
2. A
per-service orchestra member who’s income is based on 10 performances a
year. If he takes off for Jewish
holidays he can’t feed his family.
3. A
doctor on call during Shabbat.
4. A
public school teacher on the schedule and work week based on Christian
calendar.
5. A
widowed or divorced mother, who can’t afford the basics for her children, let alone
Kosher choices.
6. A
family struggling to put kids through school in the public school system trying
to reconcile the Tora with the mainstream. The schools now give instruction on Muslim
prayer rugs, not only Christmas.
7. An
immigrant family living on donations from the community.
8. A
woman shunned by her Shul, because the husband’s family are prominent members and
they blame her for their son’s mental illness.
9. Mental
illness, alcoholism, drug abuse hidden by observant parents. There are plantu of prominent Shul members with
social halls and cemeteries named after them with children gone astray.
110. Many countries and regions of the world
where basic needs are not met and safety is but a dream.
In short, American movie industry and celebrities
are not my “real world.” I do, however
enjoy good scripts. I think that just
like Ben Shapiro, I can watch Game of Thrones with my husband and rekindle my relationship
with him.
Watching immodesty when it makes
a point, illustrates a vice to teach a lesson, or shows romance in a cynical
age when everything is for sale will not cause me to sin against my
husband.
On another hand, when an observant Jew bases his/her
opinion about the real world, or the Goim based on snippets of movies, or
statements on YouTube without context, he/she is in danger.
That person is in danger of falling into a scam or
making a judgement about the world that is flawed.
Another misconception I see prominent in society is
mistaking an actor, who has played in an old scripted movie for the character
he has portrayed.
Let’s face it.
Barbara Streisand is not Yentl. Meryl
Streep is not Mrs. Cramer or Sophie. Mat Damon is not Will Hunting. Why would anyone base their political or
social opinion on their statements? And even worse, why would you declare every
piece of art and every motion picture not Kosher because of it?
Somewhere in the middle of all of this, center of
all extremes there is balance where Jews
accept each other and don’t separate based on the level of observance or amount
of donations to their synagogue.
I am still looking for that happy medium. If you are on the similar quest, I would love
to hear from you.
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