Tzniut Violation or Lack of Fashion Sense?
The costume designers for “The Philadelphia Story” accented Catherine Hepburn’s long waist with a wide belt, now so iconic. Corsets and shapers helped Marilyn Monroe, Rita Heyward Ginger Rogers to define the way we still think of attractive women. Catherine Hepburn’s pants, as well, were a result of hiding imperfections and considering practicality. At the time that those iconic women “affected change” they weren’t doing it with long-term or political considerations, they were doing it for artistic and practical reasons to accommodate their lives.
That was at an age when looking your best wasn’t sexist. It wasn’t a chore, or a special event to doll yourself up. That was at an age when mothers taught their daughters their tricks and gave them lessons on common sense. Women cared about exhibiting their assets and minimizing imperfections, as opposed to getting the trendiest dress.
Mothers instructed to use shoulder pads for shoulders that are too narrow, shapers for bulging bellies, longer skirts for stocky legs, and so on.
In the past 30 years common sense somehow went out the window. Women stopped caring about what actually fits them. There are two extremes with the same end result. One is the girl who will wear the hippest dress that is too small for her, the other is the girl that will wear whatever she found in the store on the run whether it fits or not.
My grandmother’s lessons were recalled when I considered TZNIUT, the orthodox definition of modesty. Whether you call it modern orthodox, or Frum, women make the same errors in judgement as the Goim (Gentiles) regardless of how much bare skin you see.
Chabad Rabies want to increase our participation, so they will rarely point out Tzniut noncompliance, unless it is something close to a bathing suit. We have to rely on other woman to decide for ourselves what to wear and that is a bit of a challenge.
Why do Frum women stick to skirts to the floor, double layered tops, and mostly black? What unwritten rule tells them to wear running shoes with that ensemble? How did the commandment not to attract too much attention to yourself result in Jewish women looking either like a Uta Polygamists or Muslim wives? Some of these choices make it hard for Goim to distinguish us from those we want to separate ourselves from. They make it hard for us to blend in if we choose to, as well.
The other extreme is the seeming attempt at Tzniut with either an intent to stand out or the lack of common sense. It is the girl in the dress with long sleeves and a skirt below the knee, with that dress being two sizes too small for her. It’s the girl with a sea through shapeless sack, or the girl with missing undergarments. So, how do those new to this tell if this is a Tzniut violation or a lack of fashion sense?
There is a reasonable way to do this using modern fashion to be observant. It is not hard to fit Modern Orthodox fashion to every budget. To me modern, in this instance means, not jogging in a skirt when I work out, wearing snow pants to play in the snow with my child, but wearing a skirt to the Synagogue. It means an occasional gown to the opera or a wedding, and a “granny style” swimsuit to the beach and jeans for the long road trip or a plain flight. It also means hiding my imperfections with a skirt right above the knee and a three quarter sleeve and a 1- ½ inch heal in my footwear.
I do understand that in many cases it is about how you grew up and some women will stick to it no matter what. There is one issues that I can’t reconcile; however. What is the point of wigs today? In the time of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, white wigs were unmistakably not your hair, the rabies allowed them as part of Tzniut. Married women covered their hair while unmarried girls didn’t. That was at an age when girls were married right after Bat Mitzvah.
As a woman, I can tell in 90% of cases where there is a wig and where there is hair. My husband, however can’t. He said it’s because he is only looking at me, but I know better. That just proves a point that wigs are a bit absolute. I have also heard a few Rabies discourage them because in many cases they are made in Asian countries by Idle worshipers. I personally vote in favor of female kippot I made myself for Shabbat service or an English Style hat.
Religious reasons aside, I can’t imagine lasting a day in a wig. I can hardly handle a hair pins, berets and other accessories. So, if a few women can share with me how they do it, I am all ears.
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